What I know to be true.
From one creative heart to another.
It is in the quiet moments of my life, when the weight of my decisions and the uncertainty they bring, hang heavy in the air. In these fleeting, stolen moments of time I hear her, my inner knowing, speaking in a whisper so she doesn’t wake fear that lies deep within me. She whispers ideas for more creation, more connection, more meaning… Wait, how will you do that? Who are you to offer that? Who are you to do that? Ah, fear, was not asleep after all.
Does this same interplay go on in your head too? One minute you're floating on air, with absolute joy, feeling an incredible sense of freedom, excited by all the possibilities, and then that voice halts you in your steps and all those light, joyous emotions float away, replaced by doubt and heaviness…
Over the past several years, I have learnt to really lean into the whispers, to take her (my inner knowing or higher self) seriously and answer with an equally gentle, ok, instead of getting bogged down in the fear of how I might do what she is asking of me, I just start. I know it sounds so simple, flippant even; to put it down to two simple words. But what I know to be true is that when you start, the path reveals itself, you learn as you go, you fail fast, and you adapt. You meet the right people who help you make the next step, the right doors open, and opportunities present themselves. This isn’t just coincidence, I truly believe that when you get specific and you make a choice for reasons of the heart, the people, places, opportunities and challenges (yes, it comes with plenty of these!) are magnetised to you.
I remember Morgan Freeman’s speech from the movie Evan Almighty, ‘when someone prays for patience, does God give them patience? Or does he give them an opportunity to be patient?’. Opportunities are nearly always disguised as challenges.
When your heart wants something that scares the shit out of you, I believe it is the universe whispering to you, a opportunity challenge to step in the direction of what you truly desire. A opportunity challenge to show us the way, to push us, edge us forward. Brianna Wiest said, ‘the deepest form of self-care is building a life you are in love with, and that is often an unbeautiful thing’. Isn’t that just the truth. Every decision in my life, that has been made with my heart not my head, has always been the hardest, most brutal, transformational journey, and it has always come with a side of sacrifice.
When I fell in love with my now husband 3 months into my back packing holiday in Sydney, I knew it would mean sacrificing seeing my family and friends in England for years at a time. When we got married in York (following our move back to England for a few years to complete my degree) and had our first baby, we made the decision to move back to Australia to live a country life on a farm, giving our kids the good life, this meant not spending Easter, Christmas or birthdays with my UK family and friends. It meant missing my grandfather’s passing. He meant the absolute world to me. It has meant some of my darkest days, where the depths of loneliness stretch out for weeks, and the ache in my heart for my homeland never quite fades away. The constant yearning to sit with my sister in bed, drinking tea and sharing memories of the night before, crying with laughter, and the painful realisation that I don’t know her children nor she mine, causes the back of my throat to burn, and a well of tears to overflow down my cheeks…
Yet the move here has given me access to limits I never knew I had. It has seen me witness my deepest strengths. It has given me the freedom to be, and do all that I have wanted, to experiment free from the opinions of loving family members. In England I always felt out of step with my life and who I was. But here I have gained a confidence in myself, that I have never known. My ability to create and survive in the harshest of environments, has allowed me to truly tap into who I am and what I am made of. I have never felt more grounded or more in touch with my creativity than ever before.
The journey Home to the self is fraught with unbeautiful emotions and opinions from the people we love the most. But what I know to be true, is that when I follow my heart in a way that scares me the most, that’s when the magic happens. It always leads to my most aligned path. There are still things I need to let go of. It is coming, that complete uncaging, the unfurling of my wings. It is coming.
I have to remind myself, that some birds are not meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright, and when they fly away, the part of you that knew it was a sin to lock them up, does rejoice ~ Morgan Freeman.
This quote is taken from this beautiful speech by Morgan Freeman, it is so powerful and moving - Follow your dreams.
I’d love to know, what scares you the most? Is there something you have always wanted to do? What is stopping you? What opportunity challenge led to your most aligned path?
With love,
Thank you for writing this, I just so happened to stumble upon it in a moment when I really needed these words to flood my mind. Moving abroad away from my family and their children in order to raise my children with my partner has undoubtedly been my biggest challenge too. The self sacrifice has felt all too real, although in hindsight I am reluctantly grateful because these years have had me rise out of the darkest depths and come out a stronger, more resilient mama, which I doubt I would have gone through had I lived somewhere with the support and comfort of my family. Thank you for making me feel seen xxx
Spoken into the depths of my heart. I too moved from England to Australia. It’s been the highest form of self love yet the yearnings for a home I never quite fitted into have only grown with time. Thank you for fitting a little piece of the puzzle back into my heart, feeling less alone in my musings 🩷